I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Semen is not good for contacts.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Mom said you looked used
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
