I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
