Nicole vs. Life
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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