I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
