cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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