If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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