He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
