lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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