lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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