I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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