How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
