You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
