This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
