Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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