I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
