The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
