I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
