Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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