The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
