The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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