By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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