im about as happy as oj after his trial
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
