I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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