i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
