he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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