So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
