I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
