I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
