It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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