Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
