I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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