why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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