I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
