2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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