bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
