You work out of a Hotel?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
