who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
