after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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