I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
