I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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