bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
