From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
