Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
