can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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