It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
