we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
