Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
