just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
