So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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