if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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