meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
